Funny Jokes SMS, Text Messages, Urdu | English

Hi, guys, I have collection of jokes here. It is copied form third party. Collect from different sites.

Jokes for mobile phones. Funny quotes for cell phone. Funny messages for mobile phones. List of best funny msgs or text for cell phones. Best collection of funny jokes, Text Messages, Urdu Jokes, English Adult Jokes, Urdu Adult Jokes, Urdu Adult SMS, English Adult SMS, Funny SMS, Funny Jokes.

1 Admi ki taang Neeli Ho Gai

Hakeem:

Zehar Phail gaya Hay

taang katni paregi

kuch din Bad dusri tang b Neeli Ho gai

to hakeem ne wo b kaat dali

Aur

Plastic ki tangen Laga di

kuch din Bad Plastic ki tangen b Neeli Ho gyeen

Hakeem bola:

Yar teri Bemari Smajh Aa Gai Hy

Teri dhoti ka Rang utarta hy

.. :-)

______________________________________________________

 Couple silent in bed...

Wife thinks : Why is he not talking to me?

Is he thinking of another woman?

Is he seeing someone?

Don't I appeal to him anymore?

Are wrinkles showing on my face?

Is he trying to dump me?

Is he now finding me ugly?

Have I put on weight at the wrong places?

Is he upset with my nagging?

WHY IS HE UPSET?

Husband thinks :

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

Dhoni ne last over Jadeja ko kyu di hogi...??

______________________________________________________

Amazing Love Story:

A kanjoos Boy fell in LOVE
with kanjoos Girl.

Girl: Jab Dad so jyenge to mai
gali me SIKKA
fekungi,

awaaz sunke tum turant andar
aa jana.

Lekin Boy sikka fekne k 1
ghante baad aaya.

Girl:Itni der kyo laga di

Boy:Wo mai sikka DHUND rha
tha.. :D

Girl-pagal wo to "DHAAGA
BAANDH" k feka tha,
wapas khich liya

______________________________________________________

Dukandar- 1000 rs.
Girl- awwwwww
.
.
.
Aur us pink wale dress ki....
.
.
.
Dukandar- awwwwww + awwwwww

______________________________________________________

'Girl demanded for icecream.

Boy purchased it..

Girl: thank u...
.
Boy:sirf thank u

.
.
Girl:U want kiss na?

.
.
Boy: Arre romance ki bhuki.. Aadhi
icecream dai=D

______________________________________________________

meera:give me some potato fever.

sabzi wala:o mere behan mera yeh potato fever kya hota ha?

meera:u litracy people donot know the meaning of potato fever

meera:potato fever mean"allu bukhara

______________________________________________________

'Reporter:
Meera gi ham ny suna hai k aap cigrette peti hai . . . . . .

Meera:
Ooh my gaaad,
aff course,
ap ny bilkul ghalat suna hai i don't drink cigrette.

______________________________________________________

'What is the MORAL of these Movies?

JANNAT

DEVDAS

MURDER

FANA

Awarapan

&

TITANIC

Think!
.
.
.
.
.
.
Bachi k chakar me jo Para...

wo KUTTY ki mot marra.

______________________________________________________

 'Tv Host to Meera:

Should Woman have Children after 35?? . .

Meera:

No,

I Think 35 Children are Enough,, . . . .

Ballay o Tari English..

______________________________________________________

 Ladki- Meri mummy ko tum bahut
pasand
aaye ho..
.
Boy (sharmate hue)- Kuchh bhi
ho, me
shadi tumse hi karunga, Aunty se
kehna
mujhe bhul jaye..

______________________________________________________

Mene Apni Zindagi Mein Hamesha Dhoke Khaye Hai Doston.

Jaise K,

Apple,

Angoor,

Amrood,

Mango Etc.

Sab Dho Ke Hi Khate Hai, Aap Bhi Dhoke Khaya Karo

______________________________________________________

Santa ki modern wife ne usse office jaate waqt
pyaar se kaha:

'see you in the evening';;)

Santa:

'Mein bhi tujhe dekh lunga kameeni,
dhamki apne baap ko diyo...........

______________________________________________________

Ek admi raat 3 baje utha
tahajud ki namaz aada ki
aur Dua krne lga
Mere moula sub so rahe hain aur
main teri ibadat kar raha hun
A sunkar barabar waly ghar Se awaz ayi
Kamene tu apni dua mang na
hamari shikayat q kar raha hai....

______________________________________________________

1 larka 1 larki ko cafe me akaly betha dakh kr larki ki table pe gya or kaha:
Kia me ap ky sath beth skta hn . ?
Larki (chilai): Nhi me aj rat tmhare sath nahe guzar skti.
Sub l0g dekhny lagy,
Larka sharminda ho geya,
Kuch dar bad larki us k pas gai or mafi mangi or kaha:
Me NAFSIYAT ki stdnt ho or parh rhi hn k log sharminda ho k kia MEHS0S krty hain,
Larka(CHILAYA): what?? 10 hazar 1 rat k buhat ziyada hain kuch kam kr0 yr, sub log larki ko dekh kr hansny lagy,
or phir ahista se b0la: ab MAHSOS kr sali.

______________________________________________________

1pagal dosra pagal sy: oye is dafa sardi kuch zyada nai hy?
.
.
2nd pagal: scientist kehte hen k duniya ghoomti ha to ho skta ha muree a gya hon

______________________________________________________

1pagal dosra pagal sy: oye is dafa sardi kuch zyada nai hy?

.
.
2nd pagal: scientist kehte hen k duniya ghoomti ha to ho skta ha muree a gya hon:-D:-D:-D

______________________________________________________

2 snakes on FB chat:
.
snake1: fusss
snake 2 : fusss
.

snake1: fusss fusss fusss
snake2: fussss fusss fusss
.
snake1: fussss fusss fusss fussss
fusss fusss fussss fusss fusss
snake2: fussss fusss fusss fussss
fusss fusss fussss fusss fusss
.
snake1 : Bhow bhow bhow......
Snake2: saale aa gaya na aukat
pe, mujhe pata tha
fake ID bana kay aya hai :::::D

______________________________________________________

3rd class ka baccha apni Miss se
kehta hai Mai
apko kesa lagta hun....??
.

Miss: so sweet
.
Baccha: To phir mai apne ammi abbu ko aap ke
ghar kab bheju......??
.

Miss: wo q ??

Bacha: q ki wo hamari baat aage
chalaye...;)
.

Miss: ye kya bakwas hai.. :O
.

Baccha . .
.
.
.
. .
. .
Tution padhane ke liye..., miss aap
bhi na Qasam
se TV dekh dekh k kharab ho gai hain... Hahahaha

______________________________________________________

Pathan 1st Time Jahaz Pe Baitha:
.
Jesy hi Jahaz ka Agla Tyre Ooper Utha, Tu Pathan Pilot ko Maarny Laga.
.

Aur Bola:

.
Mai Pehlay He Dara Huwa Hon
.
Aur
.
Tum Wheeling Kar Rahy Ho. …

______________________________________________________

Ek pathan apni bhabi ko khob mar raha tha!
Logon ne pucha k tum apni bhabi ko kyun mar rhe ho?
Pathan: Hamara bhabi achi aurat nahi hai.
Logon ne pucha tumhain kaise pata.
Pathan Bola:
O Yara mein jis dost se bi puchta hun k tum kis se phone pe baat ker rahe ho ,Woh yehe kehta hai
TERI BHABI SE !!

______________________________________________________

pathan to dukandar:give me blackbulb
dukandar:what is black bulb
pathan:ullu ke pathe jab rat ko andhera hota hai to hum roshni wala bulb istamal kartay hain mujhe ab andhere wala bulb chahiye takay subah mein sonay ke liye andhera kar sakoon.

______________________________________________________

Ek baar ek Totaa (Bole to Parrot ) Ud Raha tha full speed par ....

Uske Saamne full speed me ek Ferrari AA rahi thi ...

Dono ki takkar hui ...

Totaa Behosh ...

Raste me Ek Beggar tha

Usne Tote ko uthaya aur Ghar Le gaya ...

Usko Marham lagaya ..

Aur Pinjare me rakh diya ...

Jab Tote ko hosh aaya ...

Usne apne aap ko Pinjare me dekha ...
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
..
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
....

Bola ...
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

"AAILA ... JAIL .... Who Ferrari ka Driver mar gaya kya....

______________________________________________________

aik Pagal American se:
Tum japenz ho na???
American: NAhi me American ho....

Pagal: NAhi tum Japnez ho???
American: NAhi me American ho...

Pagal: Nahi tum Japnez ho
American: Han Han me Japnez ho...

Pagal: Magr tum lagtye to American ho..
Sat Oct 20, 2007 2:03 am View user's profile Send private message
ali
Senior Member Pakistani
Senior Member Pakistani

Joined: 24 May 2007
Posts: 870
Location: New York


Do english men baatein kerte Reply with quote
Do english men baatein kerte hain apni life aur wife ki.

pehla man: Yaar mein soch raha hun ke mein apni biwi ko talaaq de dun,

Doosra man: Woh kiyun yaar?

Pehla man: yaar ab 6 months ho gaye aur uss ne mujhe se baat nahin ki hai.

Pehla Man: Yaar teri jagah mein hota to hazar baar sochta talaak na dene ki. Kiyun ke aaj kal aisi biwi kahan milti hai....

______________________________________________________

 

1 dost dusre dost ko raat 2bje
phone karta
he
.
1st- hello, bhai jaldi aa kuch
kaam he
.
2nd- kya kaam he yr muje
nind aa rhi he ,
mai nhi aa raha
.
.
.
1st- yr plz aja kuch jaruri kaam
he
.
2nd- muje nind aa rhi he, K
bye.
Gudnyt Phone off.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
kuch der baad 2nd dost ko
lagta hai. jaruri
kaam hoga, wo rat 2 bje us
dost k ghar jata
he
.
.
2nd- ha bol kya kaam he?
.
.
.
.
.
..
.
.
.
.
1st- bhai, wo light or t.v band
karde :P

WEWE...

______________________________________________________

Father to his son- How was the paper?
Son- bas pehla sawal chut gaya.
Father- acha,aur baki?
Son- 3rd mujhe ata nahi tha,
4th main karna bhul gya,
5th mujhe nazar nahi aya nd 6th paper ki pichli taraf tha meine dekha nahi.
Father gusse me bola- aur 2nd ques?
Son- bas sirf wahi galat hua hai...

______________________________________________________

Duniya bhar k Admin's ki team ne
research
kiya
Or is nateeje
pe pohnche
k
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
@ Like, comments krne se
keyboard ki ink
khatam nai hoti , kar lia karo :P :D

______________________________________________________

Girl:- Mohabbat to kisi ek se
karungi.
.
Ho sake, to kisi nek se karungi.
.
Lekin jab tak na milega,
wo nek ladka..

.
"TRY"to har ek ko
karungi.. :))
.
wah wah.. Ab hamari suno..
.
Boys:- Arz kiya hai
koi ladki hame thukra de to Gum
nahi,

Koi Ladki hume thukra
de to gum
nahi... :D
.
.
Arey uss ladki ki maa ki kismat
footi jiske damad hum
nahi.... :P:D=D 

______________________________________________________

 

1 Saasu maa Apne 3 Damado ka pyar dekhne k liye dariya me kud gayi 1 damad ne bacha liya...
.
.
Saas ne use Car di 2nd day fir kudi
.
2nd damad ne bachaya, to bike mili 3rd day fir kudi
.
.
.
3rd damad ne socha"Cycle hi reh gayi hai,
kya fayda"

Aur saas doob gayi Agle din us damad ko Mercedes mili
Kaise.. ??
.
.
.
.
Sasur ne di...:p :O :D

______________________________________________________

HUSBAND ne WIFE se:
"HATA Lo Apne Chahre Se Ye Zulfe,
A Jaane-E-Tamanna
.
.
.
.
.
KHUDA Kasam
.
.
.

Agli Baar "Khane" Me Baal AAYA to Sajni se Gajni bana Dunga.

______________________________________________________

Father :- beta iss baar exam me 90% marks lana ok

Beta :- nahi 90% nahi 100% marks launga

Father :- Q mazak kar rahe ho

Beta :- shuru kisne kiya?? =P

______________________________________________________

Dulha Kmray Me Aatay Hun
Chair Se Takra K Gir Gya,

Dulhan (Ghabra k)Waqas Bhai
Aaram Se…

MORAL:Or Kro CznO sy Shadi:-)

______________________________________________________

Beti:
Ami Mera Teacher Kitna Pyara Hai Na?

Ami:
Beti Teacher Bap k Brabr Hota Hai..

Beti:
AMI Ap Hamesha Apne Hi Chakar Mein
Rehna,
Hamare Liye Na Sochna…

______________________________________________________

1 yehi baat mujhy chain
se sony nahi deti.

“DOST”
K
pakistan bhar ki auraton
ko
Aetemad ariel par Q hy.

(,”)/’hum mar
<\/ gya hen
_/\_ kya??

______________________________________________________

 

Santa in computer exam ;
Examiner: What is Microsoft
Excel ??
.
.
. .
.
.
.
.
. Santa: It is a new branch of Surf
Excel to clean the computer..:P:-P

______________________________________________________

Nani (to a kid): Soja DIPLOMA soja!
Padosan: diploma kyo bulati ho isse?
Nani: Meri ladki College DIPLOMA lene gayi thi,
ye leke aa gayi..!! :D

______________________________________________________

2 pagal cricket match dekh rahe the,
Shoaib Malik ne chakka mara.

Pehla Pagal: Wah kya goal kiya hai,

Doosra: Bewaquf goal is mein nahi cricket mein hota hai. :P :P

______________________________________________________

December tum na jao
tumhein meri qasam teher jao
Agar tum chale gaye tou.
.
.
.
.
.
..
.
.
.
.
School khul jaaye ge :P

______________________________________________________

Santa student: Miss, kya aap mujhe raat ko call kar rahi thi?? Teacher: Nahi toh... Santa: Kamaal hai, subah mere mobile pe likha tha..
.
.
.
.
. MISS CALL..

______________________________________________________

Boy ask a Girl: Vidai ke time larki kyu roti hai..??
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Girl: Agar tujhe pata chale ki ghar se dur le ja ke..
koi tujhse bartan manjvayega to tu kya nachega.... ;) :

______________________________________________________

Aj kal 2 chezain bhot qismat walon ko milti hain
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
ek jangle main ghomta hua white hathi
.
.
.
.
.
2nd without affairs wali bivi :P

______________________________________________________

Santa: oye banta machli khayega?
Banta: nhi yaar usme kaante hote hain.
Santa: oye chadd yaar, chappal pahen ke kha lena.

______________________________________________________

santa aur banta k bich mai fight ho rahi thi
banta:- saale mai tere kapde phaad k tujhe naanga kar doonga
santa:- dekh serious ladai mai romantic baat mat kar

______________________________________________________

Banta: Truck dekhkr tm kapte kyu ho?
Santa: Ek truck driver meri biwi lekr bhag gya tha, hr bar lgta hai jaise usko vaps krne aya hai. 

______________________________________________________

Santa- kal meri shadi hai aur ladki walo ne kam log bulaye hai.
Banta- to isme prob kya hai?
Santa-pata nhi papa mujhe le jaynge ya nhi

______________________________________________________

 

College ke peechey nadi me
Principle Doob Raha Tha.
.
.
.
Pappu Ne Dekha Or zor zor Se
Chillate Huey bhaaga.
.
.
.
KAL Chhutti HAI.
Kal Chhutti Hai... :D:D

______________________________________________________

Jab Pakistani Bowler Wicket lete hain to

Indian..

.
Crowd aise chup hojata hai Jaise un k kaan mein kisi ne boldiya ho..

.

.
.

.
.

"Bhaaii Aap ki zip khuli huwi haii" :/ :D

______________________________________________________

 Adult jokes in Urdu and English.

______________________________________________________

lady doctor pagal patient se: 

Mera Dupatta Utaro

Pagal :

Ok

Lady doc:

Ab Meri Qameez Utaro

Pagal:

Ok

Lady doc:

Ab jaldi se Meri Shalwar bhi utaro

Pagal:

Ok

Lady doc:

Aur Ainda Kabhi

Mere Kaprre Na Pehn'Na Ok.

.

<('.')

/"/> Aur Aj phir

_//_ Ap ki Soch ko 21 topo'n ki Salaami.

______________________________________________________

Ye 1 sacha waqia ha
ignore mat krna
Shah Faisal Colony ma 1 larki ne ghar se bhag k shadi ki,
kuch dino bad dono ma larai ho gai
1 din larka,larki ko mar rha tha
lrki ne bachne k lie churi uthai to wo lrke ko lag gai or wo mar gya
lrki ghabra k apne ghr ja k so gai
usne khwab me dekha 1 baba keh rhe he.
Beta tere kpron pe to khoon k nishan hy tmhe to police pakr legi
Lrki boli
Baba ab me kya kron to baba ne kaha
Daro mat

SURF EXCEL HAI NA....!

______________________________________________________

 ‘Bachi To Nahi Thi Bhar Poor Jawan Thi Wo.
Jb Daalney Laga Me To
Thori Pareshan Thi Wo
Huwa Dard Usay Itna k Seh Na Saki Wo
Khoon Nikalta Dekh kr Roney Lagi wo
Taaklef Itni Hoi Chilla k Boli Bahir Nikalo
Please Baray Size ki Chooriyan Mere Hathon Me Dalo.
(OYE HELLO! MAI GANDAY jokes NHI dalta)’

______________________________________________________

 ‘GIRL:Janu mere muh me dalo mei chusongi
BOY:Nhi agr tm chak mara to me kya kruga?
GIRL:Tm Dosri kulfi Le Lena
Maza Awami Kha Badami.’

______________________________________________________

‘Larki jub saray kapray utaar laiti hay to kia hota hay?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
Taar khali ho jati hay.
Yaar kabhi to +ve socha karo…

______________________________________________________

3rd class ka baccha apni Miss se
kehta hai Mai
apko kesa lagta hun….??
.
Miss: so sweet
. Baccha: To phir mai apne ammi
abbu ko aap ke
ghar kab bheju……??
.
Miss: wo q ??
. Bacha: q ki wo hamari baat aage
chalaye…;)
.
Miss: ye kya bakwas hai.. :O
.
Baccha .
.
.
.
.
. .
.
.
Tution padhane ke liye…, miss aap
bhi na Qasam
se TV dekh dekh k kharab ho gai
hain…

______________________________________________________

Pyar K 2 Andaz Hoty Hain…
1=Pyar pana.
2=Pyar karna.
Pyar pany k Liye Naseeb chahye.
OR
Pyar Karny K lye Jagha….
POgO PLZ

______________________________________________________

EXAM Aur SEX ke baad ladkiyan kaisa mehsoos karti hai!
1. Kitna LAMBA tha,
2. Kash thoda TIME aur mil jata,
3. Pehle DARR lag raha tha, par kitna EASY gaya.

______________________________________________________

Mam: Agar me teri maa ban jauto tuje 2 din me sudhar du!
Golu: madam me abhi jake
apne bapu ko btata hu ki..
bapu teri lotery lgne wali hai. :p

______________________________________________________

Teacher: What is love….???
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Student:
‘L’ ko hath me lekar
‘O’ ko dabate hue
‘V’ me dalte waqt jo
‘E’ ki aawaz nikalti hai
use hi LOVE kahte hai..!!

______________________________________________________

A MAN SAYS 2 HIS WIFE: TELL ME SOMETHING THAT'LL MAKE ME HAPPY AND MAD AT THE SAME TIME. THE WIFE SAYS: YUR d*ck IS BIGGER THAN YOUR BROTHER'S

______________________________________________________

Q.) Why does a penis have a hole in the end?
A.) So men can be open minded.

Q.) What do a Rubix cube and a penis have in common?
A.) The longer you play with them, the harder they get.

Q.) What's the difference between your paycheck and your d*ck?
A.) You don't have to beg your wife to blow your paycheck!

Q.) Three words to ruin a man's ego...
A.) "Is it in?"

Q.) What do you get when you cross Raggedy Ann and the Pillsbury Dough Boy?
A.) A red headed bitch with a yeast infection.

Q.) How can you tell when an auto mechanic just had sex?
A.) One of his fingers is clean.

Q.) What do you do with 365 used rubbers?
A.) Melt them down make a tire, and call it a Goodyear.

Q.) What does bungee jumping and hookers have in common?
A.) They both cost a hundred bucks and if the rubber breaks, you're screwed.

______________________________________________________

Johnny wanted to have sex with a girl in his office,
but she belonged to someone else...
One day, Johnny got so frustrated that he went up to
her and said, "I'll give you a $100 if you let me
screw you. But the girl said NO.
Johnny said, "I'll be fast. I'll throw the money on
the floor, you bend down, and I'll be finished by the
time you pick it up. "
She thought for a moment and said that she would have
to consult her boyfriend... So she called her
boyfriend and told him the story.
Her boyfriend says, "Ask him for $200, pick up the
money very fast, he won't even be able to get his
pants down."
So she agrees and accepts the proposal. Half an hour
goes by, and the boyfriend is waiting for his
girlfriend to call.
Finally, after 45 minutes, the boyfriend calls and
asks what happened.
She responded, "The idiot used coins!"

______________________________________________________

ACCORDING TO RECENT STUDIES THE PENIS IS THE HEALTHIEST BREAKFAST FOR WOMEN BCUZ IT COMES W/A SAUSAGE, 2 EGGS, AND MILK

______________________________________________________

Mum advice her daughter "if a boy touched ur breast say DON'T
n if he touched ur vegi... say STOP. 1 week later.the girl told her
mum." mum a boy touched my both and i kept on yelling DON'T STOP"

______________________________________________________

A girl asked, why cow seems depressed when being milked?
Teacher: if every morning they rub yours for 30 minutes and don't f**k u, u will feel the same?

______________________________________________________

A husband was asked: Do u talk to your wife after sex?
His answer: Depends, if I can find a phone.

______________________________________________________

Ladki Fish pot ko dekh kar boli:
Haye.. Ye machaliya itni sundar q hoti hai..??
Ladka: Q ki wo KAPDE nahi pehanti..!!

______________________________________________________

A beautiful girl goes to Professor cabin
and
say
that i will do anything to pass in the exams
and professor says
NOW OPEN YOUR
.
.
.
.
.
.
Books And Study

______________________________________________________

A boy & girl go 4 shoping.
Girl- (jokingly)- u hve nothing in ur head den y r u buying a helmet?

Boy- Yesterday u purchsed a bra, did i ask u anything..?

______________________________________________________

Woman: I had Sex wid only 4 boyz in my entire life & U had it wid 16 Girls, still, Everybody Calls me a SLUT
&
Cal u a REAL MAN,
A Winner?
Why?

Man: It's because,
when a Lock is Opened by many Keys,
it Becomes a BAD LOCK.
But when a Key Opens many Locks,
it becomes a MASTER KEY..;-);-) ;-)

______________________________________________________

Boy: So, sex at my place?
Girl: Yeah!
Boy: OK, but I sleep in a
bunk bed with my
younger brother and he
thinks we're making
sandwiches so this is the
code.
Cheese= Faster.
Tomato= Harder.

Girl: OK?

~Later~

Girl: CHEESE CHEESE
TOMATO CHEESE!

Brother: Stop making
sandwiches! You're getting
mayonee* all over my bed!

______________________________________________________

Santa won an English quiz by writing the opposite word of:
Manchester United

Guess What he has written?.

Woman chest are Divided.. !

______________________________________________________

Girl : "Forgive me father for I have sinned."

Priest : "What have you done my child?"

Girl : "I called a man a son of a bitch."

Priest : "Why did you call him a son of a
bitch?"

Girl : "Because he touched my hand."

Priest : "Like this?" (as he touches her hand)

Girl : "Yes father."

Priest : "That's no reason to call a man a son
of a bitch."

Girl : "Then he touched my breast."

Priest : "Like this?" (as he touched her breast)

Girl : "Yes father."

Priest : "That's no reason to call him a son of a
bitch."

Girl : "Then he took off my clothes, father."

Priest : "Like this?" (as he takes off her
clothes)

Girl : "Yes father."

Priest : "That's no reason to call him a son of a
bitch."

Girl : "Then he stuck his you know what into
my you know where."

Priest : "Like this?" (as he stuck his you know
what into her you know where)
Girl : "YES FATHER, YES FATHER, YES
FATHER!!!"

(after a few minutes)

Priest : "That's no reason to call him a son of a
bitch."

Girl : "But father,he had AIDS!"

Priest : "THAT SON OF A BITCH!!!"

______________________________________________________

aik bacha cycle chala raha tha our os nay aik admii ko takar mar dii
admii gusay mein:oii break nahin mar sakta tha
bacha:purii cycle tho mar dii ab break bii maroon kya
:p

______________________________________________________

The most difficult golf course in the world is.. "Women Hole" any style you play.. as many shots you try.. & as much perfection you have.. you can never get your balls in..!!!

______________________________________________________

Boy1:Meet my wife TinaBoy2.Oh! I know herBoy1:How?Boy2:v were caught sleeping togetherBoy1:What the hell?Boy2.during lecture in maths class

______________________________________________________

 Niple niple little star

can i suck you in my car

up above the breast so high

always milky never dry

let me touch it never shy

in the bra it will get dry

______________________________________________________

He took me from a bar

He took me in his car

He took my top off

He puts his lips on mine, but don't worry:

I'm a bottle of wine!

______________________________________________________

2 men went 2 a callgirl. 1st went in and came out n said "Na my wife is better." 2nd went in and came out n said "U R right ur wife is much better."

______________________________________________________

Boy:what is that u keep in ur mouth
which is 6" long
and move it in and out
and wait for a white substance to come out?

Girl: y do u ask such question to me.
i cant tell such words

Boy:dont worry its tooth brush
:p

______________________________________________________

Fair & lovely ke ad me face dikhaya
Ponds ke ad me hath dikhaya
Pentene ke ad me baal dikhaye
Phir whisper ke ad mein cheating kyun?

______________________________________________________

Girl:It's 2 tight
Boy:Don't worry,I'll do it slowly,
Gal:Push it in,
Boy:Ah..I can't,
Gal:It's painful,
Boy:Forget it.
.
.
.
.
We'll buy new WEDDING RING!

______________________________________________________

What's an average 6 inch long
Inside a guy's pants and girls love to blow it up?
?
?
?
?
A:1000- rupee currency note.!
Always think positive 

______________________________________________________

Sex ke baad aurat aadmi se boli : "tumari bansuri bahut he choti hai", Aadmi ne bola "mujhe thodi pata tha ke, town-hall mein bajani hai"

______________________________________________________

Most interesting line written
on the front of T-shirt of a girl,
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Excuse me !
My face is above.;-)

______________________________________________________

Conductor : baccha ko ticket?
Rajsthani lady :- iko bhi lagego ke ? yo tho abaar bobo chuse hai.
Conductor:- bobo tho iko baap bhi chuse hai.
To uke bhi free me bitha lu

______________________________________________________

Ek bar girls hostel me ladkiya cycle chalate hue bahut shor macha rahi thi,Tabhi WARDEN ayi aur boli "shor kam machao nahi to cycle ki seat wapis lagwa Dungi.

______________________________________________________

Little Boy: Dad How Was I Born? Dad: Well, Son Ur Mom & I Got Together at "Yahoo". We Set up A Date Via E-Mail & Met In Cyber Cafe Ur Mom Agreed To "Download..... Data" From My "Pen Drive". Just When I Was About to "Transfer", We Realised That Non Of Us Had "Installed" A "Firewall" It Was Too Late To hit "Delete..... Nine Months Later A "Pop-up Window" Appeared Saying"You Have Got A Male" ....

______________________________________________________

 Boy Ladki k Saamne Pant utarkar bola-
kya tumhare paas aisa hai?
"
"
Girl panti utarkar boli-
jinke paas aisi hoti hai unke paas inki koi kami nahi hoti.

______________________________________________________

 
Sardar:Will U Marry me?
Girl:Sorry I'm a Lesbian.
Sardar:"Whats Lesbian?"
Girl:"I have Sex only with Girls".
Sardar:"Maar Taali I'm also Lesbian"

______________________________________________________

Ek kunwari ladki ki petme baccha aa gaya..
Uski baap : ye kiska hain?
Ladki : papa miss call to sab hi martay thay..
pata nahi kiski receive ho gayi..!

______________________________________________________

A girl goes 2 doctor n says-Doctor mere niche 1 ched aur kar do.
Doctor asked: why?
Girl : business aacha chal raha hai soch rahi hu ek branch aur khol loon.

______________________________________________________

LadyTeacher: write a sentence ending with hand.
Banta: My penis in ur hand. Teacher slapped Banta.
Santa: Sorry mam, I 4got 2 put space betwn PEN IS.

______________________________________________________

Q. Bhagwan ko gussa kab aata he?
A. Jab koi ladki shaadi se pehle pregnant ho jaye aur uski maa kahe,
HE BHAGWAN YE TUNE KYA KIYA.

______________________________________________________

Galib sahab par ek ladki ne peshab kar diya.
Galib :aye chanchal shokh hassena ye kaisi nadani hai?
Grl:Aap jis jheel se nikle hain,ye usi jheel ka pani hain

______________________________________________________

UNIVERSAL TRUTH :
When girls wear tight fittings,
Neither they are
Comfortable
Nor
Boys are comfortable'. !!  

______________________________________________________

Wife to husband : ek Sand (male cow) saal me 300 bar sex krta hai
Tum iska adha bhi nahi krte.
Pati : ye kaha likha ha ke wo 300 bar ek hi cow ke sath krta hai

______________________________________________________

A man married a Lady Traffic police Inspector.
Friend: How was ur first night?
Man: She charged Rs 100 from me for Overspeed,
200 for wrongside entry and Rs 500 for no helmet

______________________________________________________

why is prostitution the best busisness??

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

.
.
.
.
.
the have it,they sell it,and the still have it
:p
thoko like

______________________________________________________

In lift, mans elbow accidently touch lady's breast.
man: if ur is heart soft as ur breast ull forgive me.
lady: if ur is cock as hard as ur elbow im in room 207.

______________________________________________________

Nurse : khan saheb,mubarak ho,
aap ko judwa bete hue hain.
Khan : yeh to hona hi tha,
maine koshish jo dono taraf se ki thi
:p

______________________________________________________

Condom says to whisper : buddy every months u stop my business for one week
Whisper says : ahh if u make a mistake one time, I'll loose my business for 9 months.....

______________________________________________________

Lady 2 dentist: Dant nikalwane se to pregnent hona achha hai,
Dard to kam hota hai..

Destist: abhi soch lo kya karwana hai,
fir main chair usi hisab se set karu
:p

______________________________________________________

Q: What is a kiss?
.
.
.
.
.

.
.
..
.
.
.
.

..

.
.
.
.
A: Very simple, its an enquiry at the top floor about the vacancy in the ground floor.

______________________________________________________

Love is a gamble,
Sex is a game,
Boyz do the thing
Girls get the blame,
1 night in pleasure
9 months of pain
1 day in hospital and
a junior needs a name
:p

______________________________________________________

like ONLY if u get it
A pole in the hole, make a new soul...
:p

______________________________________________________

sex is ........
Duty- if done with ur wife..
Art- if done with ur love..
Education- if done with a virgin..
Tution- if done with ur teacher..
Job- if done with your boss/secretary..
Science- if done with a fertile lady..
Business- if done with a prostitute..
Social work - if done with ur neighbour
Charity- if done with a widow
Sacrifice- if done with ur own hand

______________________________________________________

breaking news!!!!!!!! End Of The World, which is scheduled for 2012 has been Postpone to 3012 due to some technical problem! please CO-operate and continue living!!!
:p

______________________________________________________

Teacher: Galti hone per mafi mangne waly ko kia kehty hain

Student: Samajdar

Teacher: aur galti naa hone per bhe mafi mangne waly ko kehty hain
.
.

.
.
.
.
Boyfriend =) :D

hahah Like if you Agree =D

______________________________________________________

Definition of STUDENT:
.
.
Student wo hai jise lecture
mein
Angelina jolie ka khyal
aata hai
.
.
Theatre mein Assignment
ka sawal yaad aata hai
.
.
Mess me ghar ke khane ka
swaad yaad aata hai
.
.
Exam se pehli raat syllabus
yaad aata hai
.
.
Practical me kuch nahi ata
fir bhi
pass hone ka andaz aata
hai
.
.
Bunk karte waqt class me
saman
bhool aata hai
lekin pakda fir bhi nai jata
hai
.
.
Attendance se jyada proxy
lgata hai
.
.
Placement ke khayal me 3
saal
barbaad krwata hai
.
.
But Phir bhi Student
kehlata hai ;):p =D :D

______________________________________________________

A Very Emotional Lines :
.
.
.
.

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Maine”Maa”Se Pucha, “Kab Tak Meri Fikar Me is Tarah
Raton ko jagti Rahogi?”
:
“Maa”Ne Pyar se Mera Maatha Chooma
Aur Kaha: “Jab Tak tu Apni Dusri Maa
se Rat ko Phone pe Bat karna nahi Chory ga…

______________________________________________________

Jab Aapki Girlfriend Aapse Bole -
.
.
"Tum Bahut Acche Ho, TumheTo Koi Bhi Mil Jaayegi"
.
. .
.
.
To Mere Bhai Ye Samajh Lo Usko Koi Aur Mil Gaya Hai :p:p."

______________________________________________________

Sabzi wala Sabzi Par Paani Chirak Raha Tha..
.
.
.
.

.

kaafi Dair ho Gayi....

.
.
..

to 1 aadmi gusse se bola:
.
.
.
.

Bhai sahab ! Agar Bhindi Hosh me Agayi ho to 1 kilo dedo :D :P

______________________________________________________

Shortcut Proposal

Boy : Kya mein Apka Address Jaan Sakta Hun :)

Girl : Wo q ?

Boy : wo Baraat Le k Aani Thi :D :p

______________________________________________________

Girl: Agar mouka mila to tum mujhse shadi karo ge…??
.
.
Boy:
.
.
.
.
.
.
Agar mouka mil gaya to phir shadi
karne ki kya zarurat hai...??:P xDD

______________________________________________________

Man to super hot Air Hostess:
What’s ur name?
.
.
.
.

.
.
Air hostess: Eva Benz
.

Man: Lovely name, any relation with Mercedes Benz?

.
Air hostess, Smiling: “Same price” :-D

______________________________________________________

KG v/s 10th ♥
KG:- kisi se dosti nahi thi aur ladka ladki sab hath pakad kar chalte the.
10th:- dosti bhi hai aur pyarbhi par hath pakdne se darte hai.
.
KG:- pencil, rubber, se harpnr, scale, se b roz le jate the.
10th:- 1 pen bhi dusri class se mangne jaate hai. .
KG:- lunch se pahle hand wash n prayer karte the.
.
10th:- 1st period me hi lunchkhatam kar dete hai. :P
.
KG:- Class mai enter hone se phle"MAM MAY I COME IN"bolte the.
10th:- bina bataye hi pure period bunk pe rahte hai..
.
KG:- bag mai har subject ki book or
copy dalte the.
10th:- har subject ki 1 hi copy banate
hai.
.
KG:- class test me star milta tha. .
10th:- full moon hi naseb hote hai..:P =D
KG:- roz diary likhte the & mom ko dikhate the.
10th:-1st page pe details bhar karo diary kisi kone me fek dete hai.. :p =DD

______________________________________________________

The Fact Of Our New Generation
 

Boy: I luv u girl n I want u 2 be my babe.
Girl: I accept but no sex bcos I want 2 keep my body 4 my future husband.
Boy: No problem but don't ask for money bcos I want to save it for my future wife. =))X_X

______________________________________________________

 Teacher to Pathan:
Wo konsi cheez hai jo Pathano aur Larkiyon mai common hy??
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

Pathan:
Dono ko khubsoorat Larkay pasand hein.. :P

______________________________________________________

A & B girls are traveling in a train:

A: Tujhe kaisa pati chahiye?
B: Mujhe Crorepati chaiiye.

A: Crorepati na miley to?
B: 50 lakh ke 2 pati chaleñge.

A: 50 lakh ke na miley to?
B: 25 lakh ke 4 pati bhi chaleñge.

UPPER SOYA PASSENGER:
JAB YE 1000 RUPAYE PE AAYE TO MUJHE UTHA DENA..!=D =D

______________________________________________________

5 friends lived in a room, namely Mad, Brain, Fool, Somebody & Nobody. One day, Somebody killed Nobody. That time brain was in bathroom, Mad
called police.
Mad: Is it police station?
Police: Yes, what is the matter?...
Mad: Somebody killed Nobody!
Police: Are you mad?
Mad: Yes, I am Mad.
Police: Don't you have brain?
Mad: Brain is in bathroom.
Police: YOU Fool!
Mad: No, Fool is reading this very seriously! :D

GET IT SERIOUS ???

______________________________________________________

Little Johnny was 7 years old and like other boys his age rather curious. He had been hearing quite a bit about ‘courting’ from the
older boys, and he wondered what it was and how it was done. One day he took his question to his mother, who became rather flustered.

Instead of explaining this to Johnny, she told him to hide behind the curtains one night and watch his older sister and her boyfriend.

This he did.

The following morning, Johnny described EVERYTHING to his mother.

“Sis and her boyfriend sat and talked for a while, then he started hugging and kissing her I figured ‘Sis must be getting sick because her face started looking funny. He must have thought so too because he put his hand inside her blouse to feel her heart, just the way the doctor would. Except he’s not as smart as the doctor because he seemed to have trouble finding her heart. I guess he was getting sick too, because pretty soon both of them started
panting and getting all out of breath. His other hand must have been cold because he put it under her skirt. About this time ‘Sis got worse and began to moan and sigh and squirm around and slide down toward the end of the couch. this is when her fever started.

I knew it was a fever, because ‘Sis told him she felt really hot. Finally, I found out what was making them so sick—a big eel had gotten
inside his pants somehow. It just jumped out of his pants and stood there, about 10 inches long, honest, anyway, he grabbed it in one
hand to keep it from getting away. When Sis saw it she got really scared—her eyes got big, and her mouth fell open, and she started
calling out to God and stuff like that. She said it was the biggest one she’d ever seen; I should tell her about the ones down by the
lake by our house! Anyway, Sis was brave and tried to kill the eel by biting its head off. All of a sudden she grabbed it with both hands and held it tight while he took a muzzle out of his pocket and slipped it over the eel’s head to keep it from biting again.

Sis lay back and spread her legs so she could get a scissor-lock on it and he helped by lying on top of the eel. The eel put up a hell of a fight. Sis started groaning and squealing and her boyfriend almost upset the couch. I guess they wanted to kill the eel by squashing it between them. Her boyfriend got up, and sure enough, they killed the eel. I knew because it just hung there, limp, and some of its insides were hanging out.

Sis and her boyfriend were a little tired from the battle, but they went back to courting anyway. He started hugging and kissing her
again. By golly, the eel wasn’t dead! It jumped straight up and started to fight again. I guess eels are like cats—they have nine lives or something. This time, Sis jumped up and tried to kill it by sitting on it. After about a 35 minute struggle, they finally killed the eel. I knew it was dead, because I saw Sis’s boyfriend peel its skin off and flush it down the toilet.

______________________________________________________

Nechy 1 boht he Zbrdast, awla joke likha hua ha. Parh k like zror krna.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
JøK€....

______________________________________________________

Ek bar santa church gaya..Achanak
light chali gayi aur andhera ho
gaya..Tabhi church ka ghanta baja
"TONNN".

Santa chillaya- Ohh Teri salloo
UNDERTAKER aa gaya :D :P

______________________________________________________

Mangta hoon to deti nahin ho:

JAWAB MERI BAAT KA

Deti ho to khada ho jata hai:

ROM-ROM JAZBAAT KA

Kyon bolti ho ke dheere se daalo:

BALON MAIN PHOOL GULAB KA.

______________________________________________________

Boy ne jab girlfriend ki panty utaari
toh usme hariyali nazar aayi.
Darr ke usne pucha- Yeh kya hai?
Girl- Oh shit yaar,
main mooli nikalna hi bhool gayi!

______________________________________________________

Ek ladki raste pe akeli jaa rahi thi.
Ek ladka bola-ghar tak lift chahiye kya?
Ladki- bhag saale, 3 din se lift le rahi hu,
Ab tak ghar nahi pahunchi..!!

______________________________________________________

Height of batameezi:

Phone rings..

Tring… Tring…

Ladka: Hello chintu hai?

Girl: Nahi hai.

Boy: Mujhe mauka do, ho jayega.

______________________________________________________

Girl: Meri skin bahut soft and sensitive hai,
aur rang bhi bahut gora hai.
Main sone se pehle kya laga k soya karoon ..??

?

Doctor: KUNDI

______________________________________________________

Come here,
take off your pants and knickers,
get on top of me,
enjoy until u get satisfied,
.
.
.
.
.
loving yours..
toilet!

______________________________________________________

After a consult, the doctor says:
I’ve got good news Misses Darwin
Lady: Miss Darwin….
Doctor: Oh… Then I have bad news Miss Darwin.

______________________________________________________

Teacher- Whats Ur name?
Boy- Hola.
Teacher- Ye kaisa Naam h?
Boy- Main Holi ke din paida hua tha na.

Teacher- Thnx God
Ye Lodi ke din nahi paida hua!

______________________________________________________

Oscar nomination for blue films are:
1. Uatar ke panti so gayi aunti.
2. Hasina ke dudu me pasina.
3. Pati fouj mein to biwi mouj me.
4. Ghar me saali to puri raat diwali.
5.1 thi slut
6.boody boobs
7.mission impossible the full on night
8.barbie and the 4 dicks
9.snow white and the 7 dawrfs :learning how to enjoy 8 some
10.anjana anjani ki raat ki kahani
and last bt nt the least
"gol boobs , gol mboobs return , gol boobs 3 ;) :D :p :)

______________________________________________________

HEIGHT OF POVERTY:
Wife stitching husband's condom.

HEIGHT OF INNOCENCE:
A girl applying clearasil 2 her nipples thinking they r pimples.

HEIGHT OF AMBITION:
An ant climbing on the leg of an elephant with motive of rape.

HEIGHT OF UNEMPLOYMENT:
A spider web found in a prostitute's genitalia.

HEIGHT OF LAZINESS:
Naked man sleeping on top of a naked woman expecting an earthquake 2 do d rest.

HEIGHT OF PATIENCE:
A guy standing in a queue 2 shag his own wife!!!

______________________________________________________

Once a little boy went to a shop with his mother.
The shop keeper looked at the small cute child and showed him a bottle with sweets...and said,
''Dear child,you can take the sweets." but the child didn't take.
The shop keeper was surprised,such a small child he is and why is he not taking the sweets from the bottle.Again he said,"Take the sweets little boy." Now the mother also heard that and said, "Take the sweets dear" Yet he didn't take.
The shopkeeper seeing the child not taking the sweets he himself took the sweets and gave to the child.The child was happy to get two hands full of sweets.
While returning home the mother asked the child,"Why didn't you take the sweets,when the shopkeeper told you to take..?"
Can you guess the response;The Child replies,"Mom! My hands are very small and if I take the sweets I can only take few..But now you see when uncle gave with his big hands....How many more sweets I got!"

______________________________________________________

larka our larkiiiii kha rahay thay khana
larkii nay dekh liya larkay ka bana
ab ous larkiii nay thay mut say nahana
our larakay ko tha ous ka maza ourana
our phir 9 mahinay bad howii larkay our larkii ki bachiii
jo na thiii boht sachiii
ous nay bhi kiya yahii kaam
our kiya oun larkay our larkay ko pouray muhallay main badnah
:p hahahahha lol

______________________________________________________

In Girls hostel.
.
.
3 ladkiya baate kar rahi thi.
.
.
1- mene aaj sir ke ofice me
condam dekha.
.
2- or phir mene usme pin se
ched kar ke wapas rakh
diya
.
3- oh. God marwa diya na
kamini.:-P

______________________________________________________

Pathan 1st Time Jahaz Pe Baitha:
.
Jesy hi Jahaz ka Agla Tyre Ooper Utha, Tu Pathan Pilot ko Maarny Laga.
.

Aur Bola:

.
Mai Pehlay He Dara Huwa Hon
.
Aur
.
Tum Wheeling Kar Rahy Ho. …

______________________________________________________

______________________________________________________

______________________________________________________